This book contains descriptions of: bees getting in people's faces, teachers slowly walking out of classrooms, siblings getting into fights over who said what about whom, lighters getting dropped into drains, text messages being exchanged between consenting male adults, expensive dogs getting run over by reckless drivers, Dutch people communicating in Dutch, cowgirls having to get up like really really early, Tom Hanks getting a cab ride and being super grateful, girlfriends being described as stubborn by their soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends, old women writing books about their needlessly long lives, high-school girls dealing acid and not giving a damn what anyone else thinks, scary bedtime stories being told to young children and leaving them scarred for life, women dumping nice guys in order to get back together with their shitty ex-husbands for the sake of their kids, companies going bankrupt because of ridiculous spending choices, dead old men being half-eaten by dogs, dogs dying from half-eating dead old men, mothers calling their kids fat in front of their friends, mosquitoes being a general pain in the ass, roosters and chickens living together in harmony, roosters driving pregnant Irish ladies up the wall, pregnant Irish ladies threatening to call the police, teenage boys wearing hats with the word Porn on them, teenage boys' relatives bribing teenage boys to make them stop wearing said hats, Vietnam vets freaking out when you would really expect them to be all cool and stuff, zoos turning out to be way more fun than visitors have bargained for, female firefighters struggling to prove their worth, guys having teenage kids and keeping that information from their girlfriends, brownies being made then handed out to people, families moving in and out of neighborhoods and/or cities, bikers tying the knot outdoors in the rain and not batting an eye presumably on account of their bikerness, cheap coffee makers making quite an impression on their new owners, Armenian serial killers doing what Armenian (and presumably non-Armenian) serial killers oftentimes do, God kvetching about his image and contemplating ways to spruce it up, and other ideas that may damage your precious snowflake of a mind beyond repair.