This book contains descriptions of:

snakes biting into people's arms whilst pissing on the carpet; married couples clashing over their attitudes to cleanliness; red balloons floating over the English countryside; an old man using marbles to keep an eye out for his impending death; tiny fish being projectile-vomited on; exhausted husbands and frustrated wives fantasizing about murdering people they barely know; pinkies getting shot off soldiers’ hands; young women choosing to wear inappropriate clothes to job interviews; middle-aged men hiding from bill collectors; English families abroad having their arses saved by their teenage children; dirty old vans raising eyebrows among locals; college students wearing gorilla costumes while delivering balloons to parties; urine samples being taken to determine the presence of drugs; young boys shooting hoops in Venice Beach; bottles of wine purchased in Spain by 13-year-olds and then resold back home at a decent profit; giant yard sales being held in Syracuse, NY, at which things are stolen; Russian gangsters in wife-beaters drinking copious amounts of vodka while robbing trains; horny young males being ignored or blown off by attractive females for reasons that mystify the former still (and the latter not at all); human dishwashers lovingly describing machine dishwashers; amazing movies on VCR tapes being erased to make space for—wait for it—figure skating competitions; young girls disrupting a math class and being all like shuddupyall!; fruits being asked to justify their very existence; subway fare being raised over and over again with ordinary people taking the biggest hit; female sales clerks at a toy store lasciviously making out with creepy-looking dolls; well-meaning university professors mistakenly chopping down old trees; people being needlessly rude to Domino's employees; chimps taking revenge on their masters’ tormentors by farting ferociously