... which is why she has signed her up for an English class "for childen age 4-7" and has happily taken out three bank loans and put up her parents' house as collateral to pay for it.

Meanwhile, her daughter is spending half her time in class running down the hallway with the other kids, shouting "Wolf!" while another bunch of kids is silently hiding from "the wolf."

She will spend the other half yelling out the names of colors to best describe the picture that the teacher is holding up. Next thing you know, the schoolyear is over, the kid is none the wiser, the mom is happy, and someone is laughing all the way to the bank.

Zvířátka a barvičky, that's English for kids in a nutshell.

If I had no scruples at all, this is how I would make my living. (I wouldn't, really. I don't know what the exact penalty is for strangling a bunch of six-year-olds three minutes into their very first class, but I don't think I'd like it.) It's a license to print money.

Don't get me wrong, this is not a judgement on the parents. (Well, maybe a little.) Some of my best friends are parents. Hey, I'm one, come to think of it. Even very smart people buy into this. Having kids rewires your brain the same way toxoplasmosis rewires a mouse's brain.

Interesting... For some reason I'm suddenly 100% sure that this particular cat is unlike all the other cats I've had the pleasure of meeting and running away from. Also, it gives me an opportunity to make a new friend. Hey, cat, would you li--

Interesting... My entire life existence tells me not to ruin the kid's precious afternoons like this. If I wait until they're 15, they'll learn everything they need to know in a space of months just by reading stuff on the Internet and watching TV shows in English. Still, I'm somehow inexplicably drawn towards this sign-up sheet like a moth to a flame.

It's not the kids' fault, either. The kids don't know any better. It's peer pressure among parents, pure and simple. And at the end of the day, everyone's happy. What exactly am I complaining about again?